The type of shit he had to deal with
by Flareose - Knifepoint Entry
Summary: Naruto's pranks barely scratched the surface of the things he would do. Whether it was zombie attacks, weird advance species, traveling into the past, becoming the first nine year old therapist or an evil tyrant, Hiruzen was a witness to this all. Whether he was a Hokage or just some low leveled incomed school teacher from the future... he always witnessed everything.


**The type of shit he had to deal with**

**Chapter One: Parasite Eve plus the stupid questions that goes along with it**

* * *

He should have probably found something wrong with the way that clone of Naruto's was smiling at the boy. To put it bluntly it was creepy, far creepier than any random news he heard about his once three students and their lives now, which was saying something.

But - but, in his defense today had been a rather slow day for him, even with Naruto there. It was one of those days in where he wouldn't have minded a prank or two from the boy, but being the dull and rather random day it was the child decided not to play as the little jester that he was and instead be an angel, which meant bugging him constantly wherever he happen to be at the time - this included during meetings too - until he finally caved in and decided to give something for the boy to do.

Since earlier there was still paperwork to tend to he stayed quiet as the boy stared at him un-blinking, sometimes for minutes at a time. And with honestly he also found that rather creepy as well…

I mean…

When a fly landed in the center of your eye and you weren't blinking even after it buzzed off somewhere else then it was high time to started questioning certain things concerning that person's mentality. He had almost signed in relief when the boy blinked and jumped off the edge of the couch afterwards, him grunting a quick good-bye as the boy scampered out of the room while mentioning he was going to bug Danzo.

…

What?

…

Yeah he knew he mentioned something to the boy's parents before they died and all but…

**_What?_**

He wasn't in the wrong on this one here. He knew Danzo for a very long time, a longer time than anyone should know a backstabbing best-friend. I mean…

Since they were babies' bro, which was like…

Forever.

It had been during a time when clans were trying to make alliances and stuff before making the plans for a village and stuff, or any real plans for that matter and stuff now that he looked back on those days as a toddler with his so called friend taking his toys without asking, so to put it shortly and rather bluntly it didn't end so well for their two clans that tried oh so very hard to get along. And it only proceeded to get worse when the future Hokage and future sensei; Senju Hashirama asked - forced, according to his father - them to join his newly built village.

If you just knew how much Danzo and Naruto were alike you'd probably understand better, but you didn't, so you couldn't.

He swore…

**_The amounts of absolute fuck all shit he had to deal with because of those two ungrateful –_**

But - but, Danzo was his best-friend, and Naruto was a mini version of said best-friend which meant he was a best-friend too. Besides, as terrible as it sounded - but it really wasn't in his opinion - Naruto was an ultimate shield when it came to his best-friend. He could talk the old fart to death, which - which, if he so happened to do, just saying, then he would be the first one to the backstabbing best-friend's funeral.

…

Seriously he had his best suit ready and all for only the best, for his best-friend.

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O

He signed in content as the last paper was done, and almost immediately signed in discontent when said best-friends walked into his office with bored expressions on their faces. Well really Naruto because now in days he couldn't really tell what Danzo's was, if he didn't know any better he'd say the old coot couldn't make facial expressions anymore.

Naruto said they were bored which he had to nod in agreement to, because quite frankly he was too, which meant in the end he would have to find something for the boy to do after all and apparently Danzo as well, and apparently himself too.

This intern sprouted an idea in the Hokage's mind, an idea that made the Hokage feel giddy inside over.

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O

Hiruzen smiled a little later as he saw his two advisors coming into his office with the facial expressions of a Danzo. He handed Koharu a scroll that previously he ran and got with joy all the while Naruto and _mister no facial_ over there giving him funny looks over. And his smile right now only grew more when after reading the scroll Koharu proceeded to look at him…

And just continue to stare at him with her closed eyes.

Honestly he believed that he did a rather good job at pranking his two advisors, which made him smile a little more, making the two of them take a step back in horror - facial expressions not changing in the slightest - as they saw his face looking as if it was going to give way anytime now from being stretched far past the limit it should have at his age.

They left in quite a hurry they did…

To which when they did because they did he began chuckling lowly at, only accomplishing in making Danzo jump a little and Naruto to stare at him with widen eyes over the edge of the couch.

His plan had been of the utmost brilliancy in his eyes. Giving Koharu and Homura a D-ranked mission, having said mission be a; **_Find the Lost Pet Tora_** and seeing how Koharu and Homura reacted to it was priceless - because he didn't exactly know the reason why they took a step back like that - so finding this plan to be quite the thing in his book he decided to tell his little prank to Naruto and Danzo… Only for Naruto's expression to turn back into that bored look, his eyes looking at him with a look that clearly stated; **_That was kinda dumb of you oh so high and mighty leader.  
_**

Naruto and Danzo in some strange sense of the word explained to him that now that they were gone, having gone on a D-ranked mission that would take them a good three hours to do, asked what the flipping hell they were supposed to do now?

Naruto proceeded to explain to him - since he didn't get what he just did wrong in their eyes - the very complexity that was pranks and why exactly they were fun. From setting up the prank yourself to being a part of it all the way from point A to point B, and then proceeding to laugh at it when the point B was accomplished.

He found to his horror that Danzo nodded to every little detail the boy tried to explain to him since it wasn't everyday you found the man agreeing with a soul, let alone a nine year old child who constantly failed at the thing the older man made a name for himself out of.

Made Hiruzen a little green with envy from knowing of his old friend's ways back when they were children, and realizing that now that they were older he still didn't have a prankster's mind even after being the most feared thing alive. Which proceeded to make him frown a little at the both of them. When he did a prank it was dummer than Hashirama and Madara's little magical friendship, but when Naruto and Danzo did a prank it was just oh so horrifying. He saw how it was now.

Grumbling to himself as he looked at his two best-friends he tried to remember what it was exactly that Koharu and Homura was doing earlier that day, since now that they were gone and Naruto and Danzo were apparently still bored he'd have to find something for them to do - and himself to apparently because now that his little prank backfired in his face he was bored once again - which brought up the question of what exactly was Koharu and Homura's job anyways.

* * *

…

…

…

After thinking for about ten minutes with Naruto and Danzo's unblinking gazes on him and afterwards when it became a little bit to creepy for him making a mental note to call Inoichi and Ibiki first thing in the morning - even if Danzo's eye had been closed at the time, and for most of the day, and for most of his years now that he thought of it - he realized that his two advisors were the people in charge of sorting through the shinobi records. So while Koharu and Homura was off on a mission…

They were doing their job.

…

…

Okay so maybe he wasn't the best when it came to pranks and the like, but was he not the Hokage while these two sorting out files with him weren't?

Exactly.

Unfortunately even with them having something to do now besides just sitting around it wasn't enough for the child. Eventually he would complain, and complain he did. So to get things done quicker the boy decided to summon a **_Kage Bunshin,_** a technique he learned the day he almost wore his best suit, and the day where Danzo almost found himself six feet under for when he found out.

In the end he and Danzo grunted as they to summoned a **_Kage Bunshin _**as well, only for the boy to get bored once again after the first five minutes of the clones helping them sort threw the files.

...

That's what brought them to this situation now.

"You know you're the first person to ask us that," the clone stated as he gave his summoner a mischievous smile that again, was quite the creepy sight to see.

Naruto decided to ask something. A simple question really. A question that shouldn't have brought such a smile to the clone he created, nor his own clone… **_AND FOR GOD'S SAKE NOT DANZO'S CLONE. THAT SHIT WAS GOING TO GIVE HIM NIGHTMARES TONIGHT IF IT DIDN'T GIVE HIM A HEART-ATTACK FIRST._**

"Naruto," he spoke up as he laid the now sorted files in the file cabinet. "A clone is just a copy of you or I with evenly distributed chakra giving an equal amount to the user's chakra. It is nothing and everything, there and not there." the boy looked at him with awe from his wise words.

"Actually no. No we're not." the clone however gave him a frown and just like the original from earlier had a certain look in its eyes that asked; **_That was kinda dumb of you oh so high and mighty leader._****_  
_**

"That was some… Very interesting quite possibly pointless poetry if I do say so myself when it comes to what you just said there, and very very far from the truth if I may say so as well. Contrary to what you may believe or written about us from summoning and the like we are very much alive and all of us when you summon one are very much indeed near you."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"What?" he asked as the clone of Naruto's just kept staring at him.

"You see my summoner; we are an organelle found in large cells inside of your brain," the Kage turned his head ever so slowly to look at his clone as if it just grew a second head. "We live inside of all of you. Feed off of you all. And sleep inside all of you because of it."

"We're actually older than all of you combined too, so try to keep up kid." once again he looked back at the clone of Naruto's while not finding the joke very funny at all, thinking about how this all started.

What was suppose to be just a normal question of the day by a nine year old boy, turned out to get strange results by two different clones. Taking a look at his two friends he wanted to know if he wasn't turning senile right about now to show at the very least that he was still a Kage that was only partly insane from one of his best friend's being a failing nine year shinobi in training and a backstabbing best-friend that possibly killed his deceased friend's child.

Seeing Naruto pale in the face, eyes widen at the clone he created that looked back at him and smiled confirmed that. And seeing that Danzo may have been Danzo during all of this, what with keeping his eyes downcasted while sorting through the files while not questioning a thing, not asking a thing, not looking at anything except the files in hand for a thing, and never seemingly having a opinion about any of this for a thing, he at the very least signed in relief as he saw his old rival tense at the strange clones weirdly talking side that they didn't show up until now during all the times they summoned them in the past.

"You know how they say humans usually only use about ten percent of their brain? Well that isn't so actually. When you guys use chakra to summon us, what you're really using is ten percent of your brain cells… The cells in your brain that have advanced thanks to us!" he said quite joyously when looking at him. "Whether it's an elemental type of clone or not, you're using us." and that's how he realized that this clone probably wasn't lying, because his original didn't know about elemental techniques yet.

Hiruzen had to lean against the file cabinet before he fell back and passed out, because for some strange reason the hair on the back of his neck was standing on end, a feeling that could only happened if there was a bug crawling on his arm or something truly that questioned his knowledge when it came to him being considered a professor. "So wait… You're exactly what again?"

"We live inside you," his clone replied unhelpfully with a goofy smile that reminded him of Hashirama.

"Yeah I got _that part_," he grumbled with a glare to add, wanting quite badly right now to call his clone a dumbass for repeating basically what the other clone said.

"You should have just asked for our names then," the clone of Naruto's said with a grin… Not… Not partially staring at nothing but a wall. And then a fly went to the center of its eye, "we're most calmly known as mitochondria because we're advanced and all." he had to wonder as he turned his eyes to stare at that thing and wonder why ten percent of Naruto brain went into that, that thing.

"I am thou and thou art I," he turned his head slowly to look at the thing that he wanted so badly to call a dumbfuck right now. Danzo's clone finally decided to say something and it ended up being what his clone said from what a clone said earlier? And it was pointless poetry to make it sound cool and perplexing too?

Sounded just like its original to him.

"You're so right Danzo." the clone of Naruto's said as it wobbled itself like a plank to look at Danzo's clone. Well look over him he should say, or look above him was probably better.

"We live inside you," his clone once again said happily and once again it wasn't helpful in the slightest. Ten percent of his brain went into making that, thing…

Why, just why?

"But how… How were you guys born?" he really wanted the boy to stop asking questions. Just look at what asking the first question got them to.

Naruto's clone looked at its summoner then, well tried to. The clone's pupils looked at each way it could sometimes crisscross, other times both eyes not following the others coordinates resulting in some freaky ass eye movements. "By chakra you silly goose-" the clone begun to speak happily with a laugh until it was interrupted.

"By a playboy bunny you silly goose." that was his clone. His clone that took ten percent of his brain to make. His clone that as soon as it decided to say something else said the most weirdest thing imaginable.

"Actually, he's right this time." Naruto's clone frowned slightly. He found it perplexing how this clone knew all along that his clone was kinda screwed in the head but only spoke of it when he was actually right, but would call him out when he was trying to appear as his given name title.

"The reason why ten percent of your brain advanced like it did was because of Kaguya eating the fruit enabling future generations to use chakra." this time Danzo did look up from the work that he was done with five minutes ago.

"I am a shadow, the true self." any tension that was in the room quickly escaped when Danzo's clone spoke up again.

"Danzo, you're so right." once again the clone of the boy's looked at Danzo's clone. Didn't look at him but near him, and above him.

"But wait… Who's this-"

"Well it looks like you guys are done with everything," the clone said with his pupils looking everywhere. "Looks like we'll be going now that you guys are done." with that there was poof of smoke and they were gone.

"…"

"…"

"Well, I don't know about you two but I'm kinda hungry," Danzo voiced out to break the tense silence.

"Danzo," by his name called the man looked up towards his leader with closed eyes. "That's the smartest thing you said all day."

"…"

"…"

"Well at least what I said was G-ranked."

"Don't you start," he said with a warning.

"I'm just saying, all bets off and realistic talk. Your clone was dumb d-dumb dumb d-dumb dumb."

"Danzo," he glared at his friend who stood up and headed towards the door.

"D-u-m. Dumb." he shook his head and signed at the older man antics.

Naruto was going to put down the paper on a chunin's file he had been holding through what would later be none as the; **_How to not a prank for dummies,_** when he looked at the boy's image on the paper just one last time. He found it oddly strange how this boy with the orange goggles looked like him; he found it odder that there were three more that looked like him.

"Hey Hiru-jiji?" the blonde asked as he put the paper in the not so neat stack of organized papers he made.

"Yes?" the man looked over his shoulder from where he was right next to the door and stared at the boy.

"That boy… Uchiha Obito. Do you think he's alive?" he stared at the Hokage who blinked rather quickly for a reason he didn't know of.

If he knew anything from today's events it was if Naruto asked a question something would happen to that question that would affect anyone within his vicinity. That's probably why it was best not for the boy to think about asking such questions that could happen in the future.

Or now for that matter. "Naruto are you hungry?"

"Huh? Oh yeah I kinda am but-"

"Let's get something to eat."

"What, b-but,"

"Leaving, goodbye."

"Wait a second!"

* * *

**This idea probably stirred up from wondering a little too much about where clones came from, and from playing and thinking about Parasite Eve. For those of you who don't know Parasite Eve is a game that Square Enix - previously known as Square Soft during the time of its development and finalizing – made. It's pretty sweet, though I heard it's third game wasn't all that good and just turned into an action shooter.**


End file.
